Truthfully, I hate myself for admiring working-group called boyband


Two days after the news broke out, i’m still crying. The news, Nam Taehyun left Winner, broke my heart. If only i could say i’m not affected by that, it’s a lie. I refused to hear any of Winner’s song. I hate myself for being this sad.

Once again, in the past 8 years, i realized that boyband is only a working-group. They are not choosing each other. They are designed to be together. They are working on music and i am, one of their fangirl, admiring them. Without even realize, this feeling toward them is getting bigger and bigger.

I haven’t joined the fandom when Hangeng and Kibum left Super Junior, but still i’m pretty sad to remember i won’t ever see the original form of my favorite group. Years later, i found myself crying alone over the fact that Kris left EXO. I was crying like crazy.

That was the first time i realized that boyband’s members are not brothers. They can leave, even it’s not easy, when they don’t feel right anymore. Another news broke out in 2014, Jessica is kicked from SNSD. This time, even girlband’s member could broke make heart that bad.

This kind of news keep coming. One of the biggest broken-hearted news was Zayn Malik left One Direction right after i watched their concert as 4-members-group. No matter how hard we screamed to bring Zayn back that night, it couldn’t even restore his decision. Fans couldn’t do anything, or idol just don’t even care about it.

Now, i realize that when i admire boyband, i also need to make myself ready to hear this kind of news. Coz, sooner or later another group will be parted ways. Maybe my favorite turns later. It won’t the same anymore in so many ways. I won’t be the same too, i might be crying again.

No matter how peoples say bad things about Kangin or even Heechul, i don’t want them to leave Super Junior. No matter how rumors says Lay and D.O might leave EXO as well, i just hope that day won’t come. Because reading hate comments about your idol is easier than facing the fact that they are not longer doing music together.

I’m writing this with tears in my cheeks. People will call me drama queen because i don’t even know boyband’s members in real life. But hey, this is the form i know them. I know them through their music, as a boyband. And without one of their members, it won’t be the same again. So, am i wrong to feel sad when something i know is broken?

But yeah, loving them is hurt sometimes. I hate myself for admiring working-group called boyband in the first place. If only i didn’t start to hear their music years ago, maybe you won’t ever read this post.


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